So......I wore my wig to school today. I haven't worn it yet for several reasons. It's hot. It's itchy. I have never worn it for more than a few hours at a time. I wasn't sure what people would say. I wasn't sure how to react when someone might say, "I love your new haircut" (I felt like I was lying when I said "thank you" because its technically not my hair). I wasn't sure if my kids would notice. Ya know, they will tell you the truth?! Well....in good ol' Corvian fashion, the day was wonderful and I felt great. I love Corvian. I love my co-workers. I again, am so lucky.
Erik was surprised when he saw me wearing it. He said, "Good, you are wearing your wig to school". I got to school and before I could walk down to my room people that don't know "my story" were very complimentary: "I love your cut", "You look so cute today". So sweet. Also, when your hair isn't "right" or how you want it, as a woman...it makes you feel kinda BLAH. So that is how I've felt a lot since this has happened. Today I felt different. I felt somewhat normal.
Then there are lots that do know "my story" and came and talked to me about it. I did NOT get emotional....today, wahoo! My kids walked in and were like, "Mrs. Nordmark got her hair cut!". One of my very bright ones said, "You look weird"....haha, I wanted to say, "TRUST me, I feel weird", but I refrained. One of my friends at school asked if I was self conscious. I'm not really, but I can feel the wig and its not all that comfortable so I feel like I am constantly touching it. It also has bangs which I'm not really use to. But wigs without bangs look very "wiggy" to me so that's why I opted for the bangs. As my dad would say, "You don't need no bangs, get your hair out of your face and put it in a pony tail".
My wig is fairly dark (its called dark chestnut) and my hair right now is highlighted. Well, let me rephrase that. Its WAY over due for highlights but clearly that's not happening anytime soon. I go to get my hair cut tomorrow, say a little prayer. Not sure what the outcome will be but I am planning on getting it shorter so its easier to wear hats and the wig.
Speaking of "The Wig", my super creative friend came up with a great name for it...Miley. Funny story. Erik and I were talking about baby girl names and YES, he suggested Miley. I looked at him and said, "are you serious??" Clearly that name has been ruined. Sad though, because it was cute. If you have a child named Miley, don't be offended. I am sure she won't grow up to be like Miley Cyrus.
Anyways, I wanted to share a positive story about "my hair journey". I know something good is going to come out of this so yes, I remain hopeful. Thank you to my Corvian family for all your thoughts, prayers, sweet comments, and love. I have ALWAYS worked with wonderful people and I cannot be more thankful. Here's to Wig: Day 2, but not tomorrow. I have to forget how itchy it was today and when I forget, I'll wear it again :)
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
No hair....don't care. Ok, maybe I do.
Well, the hair battle continues. Sorry it has taken me so long to update.....nothing good to update you on unfortunately. My hair is still falling out...it has gotten worse. The steriod shots didn't work. They made things REAL complicated. I wasn't sleeping. I was having really bad nightmares (like the ones where you wake up and aren't sure if they really happened or not). I thought I was going crazy. I was emotional. I was unhappy. I did not feel like myself.
So anyways, I went to the doctor. The doctor knew right away that the steriod shots were causing all this and recommended I not get anymore. Sooo, I refused the next dosage and told the dermatologist I would hopefully never see him again because after baby girl comes...my hair will grow back (fingers crossed, on my knees praying, toes crossed...anything else I can do?!).
Although I can accept it most of the time, it hasn't been all that easy. Have you ever thought about how hair makes a woman feel? Accepted. Loved. Normal. Girly. Pretty. I mean I didn't realize how thankful I should be for my hair....until it started falling out. Everytime I wash my hair (at this point only about once a week), I loose GLOBS...like hundreds and hundreds of strands. Everytime I dry my hair I see more bald spots. My hair is THIN...super thin. Like really thin. I can't wear it down, I can't wear it half way up, I can barely wear it up without spots showing. Sometimes when I wear it up, I know you can see the spots but I realize there is nothing I can do. So I just choose to not look in the mirror and let it roll.
I now can wear my hair in a pony tail (those days are coming to an end too) after I wash it, then I wear a hat for a few days, and if I am feeling up to it...a wig. Wigs suck. Sorry, but they do. I bought a shorter one (shoulder length) because they are so hot and expensive. I have worn mine a couple of times and I feel like its obvious but again, what can I do? Its hot and itchy. Trust me, I have complained about having to dry and straighten my hair all the time...I would give anything to be able to do that again. BUT, God never gives you what you can't handle, right?
A lot of people say...I can't even tell. I think they are just being nice :) Although I do appreciate it! It may not seem as bald as it really is but putting it up in a pony tail is not a 1 minute task. I have to piece each little strand of hair in the right place and HAIR SPRAYYYY, like lots of it! I am thankful for hair spray, thats for sure!
Next step...I will be shaving it. Hair takes so long to grow back so its not gonna happen over night. I feel like I am "holding on to each little strand". I almost think shaving it would help. I wouldn't have to worry about cleaning out the drain everytime I wash it, cleaning out the brush everytime I brush it, having Erik pull strands and strands off my back, or vacumming the bathroom floor everytime I walk across it. I know it won't be THAT easy, but I can do it....I think.
I was motivated to write this because my pastor at church called me yesterday. My Meemaw has been a member at GCC for YEARS and I am sure she has been talking to him :) He called and talked to me about it and prayed for me. Of course I was in tears (its hard to talk about it sometimes without crying) but I thought....what do I have to worry about? I can be somewhat normal without hair. Our baby is healthy. I'm healthy, why can't I just get over it. Sometimes I feel like I am....sometimes not so much.
Well, that's my update. I feel like I owe it to you for praying :) I do appreciate it. Please don't feel sorry for me....its just one of those little obstacles that life throws at us sometimes. I realize that I am fortunate and the situation could be MUCH WORSE. I need no pity, just prayers.
I was going through old pictures (I don't know why I do that to myself) just to see what my hair was like when I had some. It's like when you are being emotional (usually for no reason) so you go look in the mirror while you are crying just to see what you look like, then you cry more. haha. I miss my hair for sure.
So anyways, I went to the doctor. The doctor knew right away that the steriod shots were causing all this and recommended I not get anymore. Sooo, I refused the next dosage and told the dermatologist I would hopefully never see him again because after baby girl comes...my hair will grow back (fingers crossed, on my knees praying, toes crossed...anything else I can do?!).
Although I can accept it most of the time, it hasn't been all that easy. Have you ever thought about how hair makes a woman feel? Accepted. Loved. Normal. Girly. Pretty. I mean I didn't realize how thankful I should be for my hair....until it started falling out. Everytime I wash my hair (at this point only about once a week), I loose GLOBS...like hundreds and hundreds of strands. Everytime I dry my hair I see more bald spots. My hair is THIN...super thin. Like really thin. I can't wear it down, I can't wear it half way up, I can barely wear it up without spots showing. Sometimes when I wear it up, I know you can see the spots but I realize there is nothing I can do. So I just choose to not look in the mirror and let it roll.
I now can wear my hair in a pony tail (those days are coming to an end too) after I wash it, then I wear a hat for a few days, and if I am feeling up to it...a wig. Wigs suck. Sorry, but they do. I bought a shorter one (shoulder length) because they are so hot and expensive. I have worn mine a couple of times and I feel like its obvious but again, what can I do? Its hot and itchy. Trust me, I have complained about having to dry and straighten my hair all the time...I would give anything to be able to do that again. BUT, God never gives you what you can't handle, right?
A lot of people say...I can't even tell. I think they are just being nice :) Although I do appreciate it! It may not seem as bald as it really is but putting it up in a pony tail is not a 1 minute task. I have to piece each little strand of hair in the right place and HAIR SPRAYYYY, like lots of it! I am thankful for hair spray, thats for sure!
Next step...I will be shaving it. Hair takes so long to grow back so its not gonna happen over night. I feel like I am "holding on to each little strand". I almost think shaving it would help. I wouldn't have to worry about cleaning out the drain everytime I wash it, cleaning out the brush everytime I brush it, having Erik pull strands and strands off my back, or vacumming the bathroom floor everytime I walk across it. I know it won't be THAT easy, but I can do it....I think.
I was motivated to write this because my pastor at church called me yesterday. My Meemaw has been a member at GCC for YEARS and I am sure she has been talking to him :) He called and talked to me about it and prayed for me. Of course I was in tears (its hard to talk about it sometimes without crying) but I thought....what do I have to worry about? I can be somewhat normal without hair. Our baby is healthy. I'm healthy, why can't I just get over it. Sometimes I feel like I am....sometimes not so much.
Well, that's my update. I feel like I owe it to you for praying :) I do appreciate it. Please don't feel sorry for me....its just one of those little obstacles that life throws at us sometimes. I realize that I am fortunate and the situation could be MUCH WORSE. I need no pity, just prayers.
I was going through old pictures (I don't know why I do that to myself) just to see what my hair was like when I had some. It's like when you are being emotional (usually for no reason) so you go look in the mirror while you are crying just to see what you look like, then you cry more. haha. I miss my hair for sure.
And now, here is my "hair life" for the meantime.....
Hats! Baby Emma definitely helps :)
Slicked back pony tail with lots of hair spray.
Meet my wig. She needs a name for sure. I mean she did cost over $300 BUT that is way cheaper than getting my hair cut and highlighted every 3-4 months, right?!
My sweet friends and the wig.
"God protects us in all circumstances. He sees you, he knows you, he loves you. He will never abandon you".
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
SNOW.
It snowed in Charlotte....like REAL snow. I think we had at least 7 inches?! We had early dismissal on Tuesday and were out for the rest of the week. So Wednesday morning, the snow was really suppose to start coming down around 10am. Erik, Gage, and I packed our bags and headed....where else...to Nanny and PawPaw's. The Gibson's and Bergman's joined of course and it was time for some snow fun!
We sledded, rode 4 wheelers, built a snowman, PawPaw pulled all the grandkids in a boat behind the motorized/heavy duty golf cart (I don't know what its called), made snow cream, had a sleepover...you name it, we did it! The kids had a ball. Gage loved being outside and did not want to come in. Dad and Erik went and bought him snow bibs, a nice jacket, gloves, wool socks...all the necessities at REI. It snowed last year but not like this so we weren't all that prepared!
Gage learned how to push the gas on the 4-wheeler....which about killed a few people but other than that, the few days went well :)
Here are some pictures from the week.....
Tristen and Gage
Ol' Daisy loved the snow!
Gracie and Gage
Lauren and Mia
Me and Gage
The redneck grandkids being pulled in the boat
Take 2.
The snowman builders: Chris, Tristen, and Bella
Grace, PawPaw, and Gage
Daddy and Gage
The pregnant sisters...you'll never see this again!
We just found out last night that Lindsay is having a BOY....wahoo!!!! We are beyond excited for him and Gage to be best buds :)
We played in the snow all day Wednesday and Thursday, got home Thursday night and Gage passed out. He NEVER sleeps just anywhere. We changed his clothes and put him to bed. He slept from 6:30pm until 8am the next morning!
This is the last day there was snow...Friday. Evelyn and Gage "playing" :)