No hair....don't care. Ok, maybe I do.

Well, the hair battle continues.  Sorry it has taken me so long to update.....nothing good to update you on unfortunately. My hair is still falling out...it has gotten worse.  The steriod shots didn't work.  They made things REAL complicated.  I wasn't sleeping.  I was having really bad nightmares (like the ones where you wake up and aren't sure if they really happened or not).  I thought I was going crazy.  I was emotional.  I was unhappy.  I did not feel like myself.

So anyways, I went to the doctor.  The doctor knew right away that the steriod shots were causing all this and recommended I not get anymore.  Sooo, I refused the next dosage and told the dermatologist I would hopefully never see him again because after baby girl comes...my hair will grow back (fingers crossed, on my knees praying, toes crossed...anything else I can do?!).

Although I can accept it most of the time, it hasn't been all that easy.  Have you ever thought about how hair makes a woman feel?  Accepted.  Loved.  Normal.  Girly.  Pretty.  I mean I didn't realize how thankful I should be for my hair....until it started falling out.  Everytime I wash my hair (at this point only about once a week), I loose GLOBS...like hundreds and hundreds of strands.  Everytime I dry my hair I see more bald spots.  My hair is THIN...super thin.  Like really thin.  I can't wear it down, I can't wear it half way up, I can barely wear it up without spots showing.  Sometimes when I wear it up, I know you can see the spots but I realize there is nothing I can do.  So I just choose to not look in the mirror and let it roll.

I now can wear my hair in a pony tail (those days are coming to an end too) after I wash it, then I wear a hat for a few days, and if I am feeling up to it...a wig.  Wigs suck.  Sorry, but they do.  I bought a shorter one (shoulder length) because they are so hot and expensive.  I have worn mine a couple of times and I feel like its obvious but again, what can I do?  Its hot and itchy.  Trust me, I have complained about having to dry and straighten my hair all the time...I would give anything to be able to do that again.  BUT, God never gives you what you can't handle, right?

A lot of people say...I can't even tell.  I think they are just being nice :)  Although I do appreciate it!  It may not seem as bald as it really is but putting it up in a pony tail is not a 1 minute task.  I have to piece each little strand of hair in the right place and HAIR SPRAYYYY, like lots of it!  I am thankful for hair spray, thats for sure!

Next step...I will be shaving it.  Hair takes so long to grow back so its not gonna happen over night.  I feel like I am "holding on to each little strand".  I almost think shaving it would help.  I wouldn't have to worry about cleaning out the drain everytime I wash it, cleaning out the brush everytime I brush it, having Erik pull strands and strands off my back, or vacumming the bathroom floor everytime I walk across it.  I know it won't be THAT easy, but I can do it....I think.

I was motivated to write this because my pastor at church called me yesterday.  My Meemaw has been a member at GCC for YEARS and I am sure she has been talking to him :)  He called and talked to me about it and prayed for me.  Of course I was in tears (its hard to talk about it sometimes without crying) but I thought....what do I have to worry about?  I can be somewhat normal without hair.  Our baby is healthy.  I'm healthy, why can't I just get over it.  Sometimes I feel like I am....sometimes not so much.

Well, that's my update.  I feel like I owe it to you for praying :)  I do appreciate it.  Please don't feel sorry for me....its just one of those little obstacles that life throws at us sometimes.  I realize that I am fortunate and the situation could be MUCH WORSE.  I need no pity, just prayers.

I was going through old pictures (I don't know why I do that to myself) just to see what my hair was like when I had some.  It's like when you are being emotional (usually for no reason) so you go look in the mirror while you are crying just to see what you look like, then you cry more.  haha.  I miss my hair for sure.

And now, here is my "hair life" for the meantime.....

Hats!  Baby Emma definitely helps :)

Slicked back pony tail with lots of hair spray.

Meet my wig.  She needs a name for sure.  I mean she did cost over $300 BUT that is way cheaper than getting my hair cut and highlighted every 3-4 months, right?!

My sweet friends and the wig.

"God protects us in all circumstances.  He sees you, he knows you, he loves you.  He will never abandon you".